Writing 101: Page Critique - Vintagegirl

Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form. We have submissions queued up but are still posting just one page a week, so if you've submitted but haven't seen your page yet, don't panic! ;) Stay tuned. Also, you can read the previous submission.

First we present the page without comment:

Author: vintagegirl
Title: Fitz
Genre: Contemporary YA
1st Page (293 words) 

After her death, it snowed for the first time in years. 
It was the first September morning and the sun had hidden behind thick layers of mist and wet snow. Alex Emerson watched it from his bed as he tried to rid his head of thoughts and feelings. It was easy enough not to think, but much harder to get rid of the void that filled his stomach. Trying to concentrate on the falling flakes and figuring out why they were white didn’t help, either. 

Nothing helped. Everything reminded him of her. 

Her name had been Beth. Beth Farlow. Mrs. Farlow, whom he had never really known, had come round their house a day after it had happened. Her eyes had been bloodshot cracks in her face when she asked him why her daughter had to die at seventeen. Because she had, for one second, been careless in crossing the railroad tracks. He hadn’t told her that a train had hit Beth Farlow because she had thrown herself in front of it. Because she had thought that seventeen was seventeen years too many to live. 

He had been in his bed ever since it happened three days ago. His mother had gone through his room, taking away all sharp objects and things that could be turned into sharp objects. So that his room was a safe haven where he couldn’t hurt himself. So that he was stuck inside his own isolated hell, feeling nothing and unable to get rid of the constant need to do what Beth did.
He hadn’t gone to school. He intended not to until everyone had forgotten about Beth and gone back to their stupid lives. Or at least until they had gotten the ridiculous memorial service over with.

What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer. 

Michael's and Lauren's line by line edits and then our overall comments after the jump.

Writing 101: Page Critique - Emberchyld

Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form. Read the previous submission.

First we present the page without comment:

Author: Emberchyld
Title: The Desired
Genre: YA Paranormal
1st Page (242 words)


“You are so important, Sara. To me and to the world,” He whispered, as the sky above us flamed in a lightshow unlike any I’ve ever seen.

No one ever told me that my world would end in a medieval castle halfway around the world from my parents, my school, and my best friend.

No one ever told me that I’d have to choose between two people who I loved—and that my choice would probably mean life and death.

No one had told me that my life would be anything but normal, that the summer before my senior year would be anything more than a tan, a few great photographs, and a lot of good memories.

No one told me that I would be the one who had to save the world.

I wish they had. I would totally have slept in this morning.

Chapter 1
The summer before my eighteenth birthday was supposed to be quiet and normal. Well, about as normal as a summer can be when you’re shipped off to hang out on your grandparents’ farm in Europe while the rest of your classmates get to go to the shore or Philly or Florida. But, still, I wasn’t expecting anything special. Jog every morning, take a few photos for my blog, prep some of my college applications, drink lots of espressos at the local internet café.

Yeah, things never seem to turn out the way that you want.

What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer. Michael's and Lauren's line by line edits and then our overall comments, after the jump.

Debut Author Jessie Harrell and the much anticipated DESTINED

Today on Paper Hangover we welcome debut author Jessie Harrell. Paper Hangover is stop number 5 on the DESTINED blog tour organized by the wonderful Damaris Cardinali of Good Choice Reading.

I had the pleasure of reading DESTINED a few weeks ago, and I can honestly say it took my breath away. I read the whole book in twenty four hours! It was something I couldn't put down, it was addicting.
Seemlessly blending a sassy, modern day voice with the setting of Ancient Greece. Jessie manages to make the prose bleed hotness, from both the male and female character perspectives, yet capturing the innocence of a teenage girl, caught in a world far from her own sheltered palace.

Here is a sneak peek in the first chapter, giving you a glimpse in to the strong, sassy female lead Jessie has created.

Destined, Chapter One...
My stomach churned as the smell of ground charcoal and nearly-rancid oil smeared across my eyelids. Whoever decided that greasy anything should be part of a daily beauty routine deserved permanent exile.
    The stink never seemed to bother Maia though. She hummed quietly while layering on the goop -- and it was driving me nuts. My teeth ground into my cheek until I managed to shred another piece of skin.
    “Will you stop fidgeting? I’m going to have eye paste all over your face if you don’t hold still.”   
    Servant or no, Maia was good at keeping me in my place. “Sorry.” I stopped chomping my cheek in favor of twitching my foot.
    Maia placed her weathered hand against my forehead; her eyes wrinkled around the edges with concern. “You don’t seem yourself today. Are you sure you’re well?”
    My eyes darted to the bird sitting on my bookshelf. Maia followed my gaze and gasped.
    “Good heavens, Psyche. How’d a pigeon get in here?”
    She dropped the makeup onto my vanity and made as if to shoo the bird away. Instinctively, I snatched her wrist.
    “No, don’t. I let her in.” I paused, debating whether it was worth correcting her that the bird was actually a dove, and not a pigeon. Or noting that the dove would turn into Aphrodite as soon as Maia left.
    Better just to let it go.    
    “I like having her here. I’m just worried Father will make me get rid of her.” I met Maia’s eyes and plastered on my best smile -- the one Aphrodite helped me master when she wasn’t a bird.
    Maia’s shoulders relaxed and she started in on phase II of my beautification regimen: crushed mulberry blush. But there was no relaxing for me.
    Something was up. This was the fifth day in a row Aphrodite had come to visit. Sure, she’d shown up a couple of months ago, just after I started getting daily admirers at my window. She’d said she liked watching beauty get the attention it deserved. It was part of her domain, after all. And then she’d dropped in randomly after that, but not daily.
    Even though I pretended like nothing was different, I knew she wanted something. Something more. Goddesses don’t just hang out with mortals for the fun of it. But what?

Jessie's path to publication has not been easy, yet she produced a fabulous novel and her team of designers, photographers and editors did her proud. The finished product is a glossy, eye catching dream, of any writer.

****Paper Hangover Giveaway!***

Jessie has given us an Ebook of DESTINED to giveaway, the giveaway will be open all the way until the formal release date of November 17th, 2011.
To be eligible you need to be a Paper Hangover follower and leave a comment for Jessie, include your email address and she will choose the winner on the 17th!

You can purchase an advanced copy of DESTINED here.

Website: www.jessieharrell.com
Twitter: @JessieHarrell

Become a friend on Facebook at the Jessie Harrell Fan Page

You can jump on the tour at the following blogs...

6-Nov Nikki Katz
6-Nov Fictional Distraction
7-Nov Daisy Chain Book Reviews
8-Nov MundieMoms

Writing 101: Page Critique - Ciara

Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form.

Congratulations to Ciara for being our very first page critique. First we present the page without comment:

Author: Ciara
Title: Untitled
Genre: Contemporary YA
1st Page (273 words)

I’m pretty sure my sister had decided to become a pagan or a Baptist or something before she off’d herself so I don’t know why we were having a Catholic funeral. I don’t believe in hell and she didn’t either, obviously, but I wonder when I see all these sad puffy eyed faces how many of them believe she’s burning now. Everyone says with their wringing hands that it’s such a waste but how long would she have to stay miserable to satisfy them? Maybe they only remember how she used to be before she got lost.

Our house is empty now of all the sombre tourist mourners paying to gape at our tragedy with their thoughtful lasagnes and endless pots of coffee. The ghost of condolences and morbid curiosity is hanging in the air on their stale cigarette smoke. But we’re alone now in this house separated by the gulf of our secret thoughts. Every day since she died has been leading up to the funeral and now that it’s all over I don’t know what we’re supposed to do. I don’t know if I’m allowed to go back in our room. My stomach turns over remembering how I used to wail about the unfairness of having to share a room with someone who would try to make my bed while I was sleeping in it and wave my own dirty socks in my face as proof that I never pick up after myself. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa since she died and no one has told me to go to bed so I guess that means I’m not supposed to.

What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer.

Michael's and Lauren's red line edits and then our overall comments after the jump.

Writing 101: Page Critiques

If you would like to have a page from your novel critiqued by the Writing 101 crew, we are now taking submissions. (See the form below.) Every Thursday Michael and Lauren will critique a page from a novel.


Genres We Accept

We accept any genre under the YA umbrella (mainstream, paranormal, fantasy, sci-fi, et al.).


What We Will Critique

We will critique first pages and anything else you need feedback on.

The all important first page is essential to get right...but so is the rest of you novel. It's not chopped liver.

We recognize that sometimes you may need targeted feedback on a scene that doesn't take place on the very first page of your novel. This is why we're opening up the flood gates and allowing you to submit a random page from your novel.


How Will It Work?

Along with your submission, you'll simply tell us that your page is not the first page of your novel and you'll describe to us what exactly are you looking for in your critique.

For instance, you may need feedback on your love scene, or you might need direction for your fight scene, or maybe there's a craft technique that you're not quite sure you understand and you need an outsider's eyes to make sure you're on the right track.

Whatever your issue is just let us know. We will focus our critique towards your needs, directly targeting the specific area where you feel you may need the most help.


More Info

A random number generator will choose which page(s) we will critique that week.

Each week we will post one or two submitted pages to the blog, including our notes.

Readers of Paper Hangover will be encouraged to offer their own constructive criticisms in the comment section.

The Goldilocks Zone

Today's post is about balancing description in your narrative. You don’t want too much description, or not enough description. You want to find that infamous Goldilocks Zone where the amount of description is just right.

Incorporate All the Senses

You've probably heard this one a gazillion times. That's because it works. 

Using any other sense besides sight makes a huge difference in narrative because sight is the sense most of us rely on most frequently. It's useful and necessary, but kinda boring.

The addition of sound, touch, smell and taste enhances the reader experience because those senses are used less frequently, making them stand out more.

Try to include as many senses as you can, but only the ones most important to the thing you are describing. It isn't necessary to use all the senses in every given scene.

How do you know which senses are most important? See the next item directly below.

Zoom In On Unique/Contrasting Details

• A mouse the size of an elephant
• An elephant the size of a mouse
• A wagon shaped like a rocket
• A cave that smells like laundry detergent
• Roses that smell sour
• A car wreck that sounded like guitar strings snapping
• An ice cube that burns
• Salty ice cream

Not all of your descriptions will be as contrasting as those examples, but the key is to find something so specific about the thing you’re describing that the image implants into the readers head and they begin to experience the story first-hand.

Pick one or two things that stand out in your setting or characters and describe that in great detail. (See, “Description Length”)

Filter Description Through the POV Character

When the POV character directly conveys how they feel about the sight/smell/sound/etc. they are experiencing, it makes the description more entertaining for the reader. Simple as that.

People read encyclopedias when they want a list of facts. People read stories because they want to become immersed in a world outside of their own.

Revise that info dump until it feels like something the POV character would actually think about or say in that moment. Show their personality. Express who they are on the surface and at their core. It will bring your story to life.

Skip the Mundane

We live in an age where the world is literally at our fingertips. There are some things that just don’t require much explaining in fiction. Some things are universal enough that you can mention them without going into a lot of detail about it.

You always need to set the scene, and some description is always required, but a hospital is a hospital, a church is a church, and a school is a school no matter where you go.

Of course, not all hospitals, churches or schools look exactly the same as one another. They come in all different sizes and depending on where you are in the world, they will vary in numerous other ways. Those will be the unique details you pick out to describe your specific setting.

Beyond that, readers will imagine the kind of setting that’s most familiar to them. When we read a story set inside a school for instance, we tend to imagine the school we used to attend or the school we send our children to. We imagine the hospital where we go to see our personal physician, and the church we were baptized in, etc.

Only if there is something unique about the setting as described in the story we’re reading do we begin to see a different image in our minds.

For instance, the school may be described in the story as being held in a castle with lots of secret passageways, the professors are wizards, and ghosts frequently roam the halls. (See: “Zoom In On Unique/Contrasting Details.” Also, Harry Potter.)

Description Length

It’s not the size of the boat. It’s the motion in the ocean.

Sometimes you’ll need a paragraph or more to describe something. Other times you’ll need just a sentence or two. Fantasy writers, for instance, usually need to include more description than thriller writers because of the various new concepts that are introduced in a fantastical setting.

The Goldilocks Zone is what you make it. Everyone has their own tolerance level when it comes to description. Some readers require more description than other readers do. Each individual reader will bring his or her own preferences to your story, and there’s no way to anticipate that.

Utilizing the techniques above have helped me stay within a general safe zone.

Writing 101: How To Write a Banned Book

In honor of Banned Books week, this Writing 101 post is a joint effort from both Michael and Lauren. We’ve put together some fun tips to help you write a banned book. So, fasten your seat belts, make sure your seat is in the upright position and place your tongue firmly in your cheek. It’s going down.





1. The material was considered to be "sexually explicit".

You ever heard the phrase sex sells? Well, sex also gets your book banned. The number one thing to include in your potentially banned book is “sexually explicit material”. That's not as vague a term as it sounds.


We all know that sex doesn't happen in real life. Authors make it up. It’s common knowledge that the stork brought us all here...unless you believe in other alternative theories...

There's no reason to ever include sexually explicit material in a book unless you want your book banned.


Dear author, if you want to get your book banned by the powers that be, you can’t be afraid to get down in dirty in your fiction. The key here is details, details, details. You want to include every bump and every grind. The act should go on for pages, maybe even the entire book. Go crazy. Then go crazier!


And while you’re sexing it up, consider giving readers a double wammy and hit'em with some homosexuality.

Caution: Never include anything homophobic or anti-gay because your book will never attain banned books status. We checked. (“We” being highly skilled journalists and thorough investigators of such things.)




2. The material contained "offensive language".


Have your main character and people around them swear a great deal. Real teenagers are not exposed to such depravity in their day to day lives, so the appearance of such in fiction is bound to exert a bad influence on them. Soon they will be swearing with abandon and parents nationwide will cry for the censorship of your work.


But wait, it gets better. As you well know by now, including sexual violence in your book is a surefire way to raise hackles. But if you want to really guarantee bannination, there’s one more step you can take: give that violence a name. 

Oh, yes, you know what I’m talking about. The r-word. Alright, sometimes teens get assaulted--but they definitely shouldn’t know the proper name for it! That’s just vile. Someone might read a book, stumble across that dangerous and disgusting r-word, and decide they want to try it out for themselves. Worse still, reading a book like Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson might encourage teens to, well, speak up for themselves about their own experiences. Make teens rock the boat, get your book banned. Easy.




3. The materials was "unsuited to any age group".

Your potentially banned book should be unsuited to any age group. But how exactly do you write a book that’s unsuitable for any age group? Very easy. If your book should never have been written in the first place, you’re on the right track. If that's what you have in your sock drawer, polish up that story now and get it into the first library on your block. They will be sure to ban your book for its unsuitableness.


If you haven’t written something like this yet, here’s how you do it: first you must use each and every one of the the tips in this award winning article. But you must go even further than that. You must offend your readers with every chapter, every paragraph, every sentence, every word. Shoot for a masterpiece that is entirely unreadable by any one.




4. The material was written in 1995.


According to the ALA's chart, 1995 was the year that most books were challenged/banned since they’ve been keeping track of such vital information.


Here’s what you need to do, Biff. Wait for Doc and Marty to go rescue Jennifer. Then steal the DeLorean! Make like a tree and get your ban worthy book to 1995! Tell your younger self about how crappy the future is because of climate change and that he/you should invest in Apple products.


Wait. I mean, give your younger self the banned book you’ve already written and tell him to publish it as the eBook. He’s going to say that no one reads eBooks to which you’ll respond, “Do it, Butthead! I’m from the freakin’ future.”


Hopefully, when you come Back to the Future you’ll be able to look back on your historic banned book that, by its very existence, has created an alternate reality where you’re the king of like banned books or whatever. You’ll also be married to Lorraine and have shot and murdered George McFly, and climate change will still be a reality. At least, you invested in Apple!

“Last week I was in my other, other Benz.”

5. The material contained “violence”.


Teens live really peaceful lives and are unfamiliar with the concept of violence, except for what they see on the news, TV and movies, video games, at home, at school, and on the street. The point is, it’s important to shelter them from it in fiction. Adults don’t want them to get any ideas or, god forbid, see their personal experiences reflected in what they read. Wait, I mean, what personal experiences? I think we’ve established that real teens are not exposed to violence.


So if you open that dangerous door, dear author, you are well on your way to angering adults and getting challenged. Of special note: hate crimes, sexual assault, and domestic abuse. Those are the kinds of violence society really wants to sweep under the rug.




6. The material upset governments.


Governments are actually the only entities who can ban and have banned books completely from society. They can enforce a ban legally through the court system and can punish infractors with penalties.


The only reason this item isn’t number one is because different bodies of government vary on what criteria causes a book to be banned. Usually a government will resort to censorship when there are political, religious or moral issues with the written material.


Now normally, you're a meek, respectful, and polite author. But that attitude will not get you a banned book. Your job is to upset, anger and be a down right meany-pants. You must vilify your political opposition. Your religious arguments should be one-sided and inconsiderate of the majority’s belief system. Also, don’t forget to demean the opposite sex and include other immoralistic values. Speak your dark, infested mind.


There is no one way to upset governments. So combine all of our advice in one giant smorgasbord of ban worthy material.




7. The material upset parents.


Parents always know what’s best for their children. They are never wrong under any circumstance. And children are incapable of thinking for themselves. They don’t know any better. They’ll read any old thing you put in front of them and will likely suffer a lifetime of traumatization when exposed to certain fiction.


This is where you come in dear author. You must offend these parents if you want your book banned. Parents must disagree with the value of your book in every way. You must make them take umbrage with your fiction so strongly that they have no choice but to do what's right for the entire first world and force their opinions on the rest of society, who will no doubt listen and agree.


We are all aware that there is never a choice in which books to read and which ones to simply not read. We're all forced to read every single book that has ever been written, so banning books is a great way to protect us from like the Big Bad Wolf and stuff. Not only does banning books free us of the tedious nature of making a choice for ourselves, it also scares authors away from writing great stories...I mean, inappropriate material. As a society, we’ll force authors to churn out tame fiction for the masses that never challenges our lazy minds or provokes critical thought.


Deep topics in books aren’t open for discussion and shouldn’t be. Engaging in analytical discourse is a pointless endeavor. Banning is always the answer to everything. It is not a knee jerk reaction at all. Who cares if no one's read a word of your book yet to know for sure if it's actually as bad as we think it is? If it merely sounds like it's harmful to our children--Banned! Parents are your saviors!

“I’ll tell you where you can find fantastic beasts. Not in this household!”

8. The material upset schools and libraries.


Schools and Libraries have challenged more books than any other institution between 1990 and 2010. Aren't our children lucky to have such filters?


As we’ve seen from item number 7 above, parents are very capable of deciding what's appropriate for their own children and for everyone else. However, why should schools and libraries let parents do all that hard work?


Shouldn’t parents instead rely on another entity that can make that choice? You know, the same way parents remove the freedom of choice from their children...and everyone else.


In all reality, parents don’t really know any better than their children. They’ll probably just allow their kids to read any old thing. But even if they are awesome filters for their own households, they may not catch everything. They need schools and libraries to back them up or to do the job entirely.

Plus, what libraries and schools absolutely don’t need more of is books. They’ already full of them. You can help them out by writing a book that they will surely ban. It makes total sense.


Everything you applied to parents in the above item, you must apply it to schools and libraries as well.

Topics to Avoid When Writing a Banned Book

Don’t worry yourself writing about serious topics such as abortion, anti-ethnicity, racism, or as mentioned above, homophobia, which doesn’t even make it onto any lists at all. Not that many people care strongly enough about those topics to ban them from books. People are pretty much chill on those.


Also don't try to offend Community Groups and Prisons. They are both the least likely groups to ban your book. And one is instead more prone to shanking. The other we can’t can’t even tell you about because we’ve never been to prison. But we’ve heard stories of sexually explicit violence that’s unsuited for any age group and would especially upset any parent, school or library in the year of 1995.

But Why Write a Banned Book?

Simple! You ever noticed how much publicity those things get? Word of mouth is the best way to get your book flying off the shelves, and no news spreads faster than outrage. First comes the outrage from parents, schools, and libraries at your audacity to write such a book. Then comes the outrage from “free thinkers” who don’t think any books should be banned. Before you know it, your name will end up on the news and in lists all over the Internet. And just like J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer, you will be rolling in the dough.


Another reason some people might put forth is that banned books are often so honest, raw, delightful, and painful that they make everyone sit up and take notice for good or bad. And we hear some people like to write honest books. But it’s also okay if you’re just itching to write a scene with some blood and guts flying. As we have thoroughly demonstrated by now, it’s not the thought that counts, it’s the banning!

Back It Up

Most of us already know that we should back up our work. What I'm going to strongly suggest with this post is using multiple forms of backups as opposed to just one.

Recently, I was in the middle of renaming a few of my manuscript files when a few of them became corrupted. Some of the files refused to open at all and the ones that did open were still unreadable. The glitch ate most of my work.

The cloud service that I use to automatically sync my work to my other computer as a back up proceeded to sync those corrupted files to my other computer before I could retrieved the undamaged versions of those files.

Fortunately, the day before this incident, my work had automatically backed up onto an external hard drive via Time Machine. If not for that back up, I would have lost my entire manuscript! But I was saved because the Goddess was smiling down on me and I didn't rely on just one form of backing up my work.

It is highly suggested that you do not depend on a single form of back up. Life is strange. You just never know what can happen.

You may be familiar with some of the apps below. Others might be new to you. Utilize as many as you can.

Back up your work with these cloud services (in no particular order):

Dropbox (Windows, Mac)
SpiderOak (Windows, Mac)
Windows Live Mesh w/Skydrive (Windows, Mac)
iCloud [formerly iDisk/Mobile Me] (Windows, Mac)

Or with these Hardware methods:

Time Machine (Mac)
External Hard Drive
Flash Drive
Consider printing out a hard copy of your manuscript


Safe Practices 

Any time you plan on making major edits to your work, create a copy of that file first and save it somewhere else on your computer as a backup. That way if something goes wrong with the original file you'll always have that duplicate file as a backup.

Make backing up your work a routine, and stay up to date. Don't procrastinate and put it off for another time.

Writing 101: Don't Over-think It

A writer friend of mine who went through a bout of “analysis paralysis” prompted this post. This writer was so stuck on a part of their story that they became frozen and couldn't even begin to try to work the story issue out. Instead, they began a futile search for answers from sources outside of their self, which lead to more procrastination.

A certain level of stress builds as we bounce around the social media sphere reading blogs like this one, and recommended how-to books; as we follow agents on twitter in hopes of mining that one jewel that we can use to pawn our babies off to stardom; and as we glue our rear-ends to a chair and toil away in seclusion, never surfacing air.

Too much of that behavior can lead to over-thinking. In extreme cases, you may become paralyzed and incapable of making any decision like my friend.

Over-thinking can also lead to second guessing our choices and not trusting our gut instincts when we should; we may edit the life out of our manuscripts, and blindly follow advice that’s bad for us.

Deep down we all know how to tell stories. Storytelling is built into our DNA. Some of us can whip out those instincts more naturally than others, but it's in all of us regardless.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you writing is hard. It’s simply not true.

All the things that come with navigating the industry: prepping a story for publication, finding an agent, building a platform, getting published, and becoming the next J.K. Rowling/Stephanie Meyer/Dan Brown etc.; those things have certain degrees of difficulty. But the act of writing is easy.

Keep calm.

Write. One. Word. At. A. Time.

Don't be this guy.

Writing 101: How to Name Things

This post is not about naming characters. This is for fiction writers who wish to create original concepts, but may have trouble naming their monsters, magical creatures, alternate species, McGuffins, magical objects, futuristic devices, and anything else that doesn’t exist in real life or in any other author’s story. I see posts on forums all the time from writers asking for help naming something, and the following is a comprehensive take on the condensed input I usually offer.

Naming things comes fairly easy for me. Sometimes the perfect name will just pop into my head. But that isn’t the norm, not even for me. When my bad ass muse is taking a smoke break I have to work a bit harder, so I’ve developed a few personal guidelines that help me create new terms for my stories.

Pictured: Bad ass muse. Not Pictured: Manuscript that broke the Rules of Naming Things.

Rules of Naming Things

Rule 1: Keep your terms simple.

Rule 2: Keep your terms simple. If the fictional “thing” you've created is not much different from something that exists in the real world, always use the term most commonly found in the real world. It will be less of a hassle for you, and will simply make following your story easier on the reader. Don’t call your creature a kertobble if it’s just a rabbit. Call it a rabbit. (See Rule #1)

Rule 3: Always remember that you're writing for a modern audience with modern sensibilities. Your names have to be pronounceable, and they must make sense within the context of the story. The reader shouldn’t be stumbling over your roadblock of terms. Jumping hurdles only hinders the reader from experiencing the story as it happens thus ruining any enjoyment. (See Rule #1 and Rule #2)

About Syllables

It’s a good idea to try and keep your term(s) to 3 syllables or less, preferably one to two syllables. The least amount of syllables contained in your word, the easier the word will be to pronounce, making for a more manageable read. Remember, readers will have to repeat your madeup words over and over throughout the story. Don't make it difficult.

Let's take a look at some words commonly in the English language in comparison to terms created by other authors.


Monosyllable words

• dog, cat, bird, cow, frog, bear, mouse, snake, horse, pig, crab, fish, whale
• book, phone, car, pen, desk, chair, pan, stove, clothes, spoon, fork, knife, plate
• Fictional terms: orc, elf, warg, ent, imp, troll

Disyllable words

• eagle, lion, tiger, giraffe, rabbit, donkey, chicken
• pencil, hammer, keyboard, trashcan, laptop, paper, oven, saucer, pitcher
• Fictional terms: hobbit, dragon, kraken, griffin, goblin, centaur, portkey, quidditch

Polysyllable words

Words containing more than three syllables are fine for real life, where the average person isn't saying something like rhinoceros every few breaths. But it's not so great in a story where a reader will have to repeat it (in their head or out loud) over and over again.

Usually, they'll end up skimming over a long word if they continue to come across it. But why give them a reason to skim your story? Try to avoid using terms with more than three syllables if at all possible.

Sometimes a word with more than three syllables will fit your story perfectly though and you wouldn’t want to avoid using it. In that case, ignore my suggestion, and use what best suits your story. In many cases though, a long word will end up being an annoying burden on a reader.

If you absolutely must use a word with more than 3 syllables, consider having your characters refer to it with a shorter name. Keep the long version as the official term, while you characters use the shorter version of the name in their dialogue.

Example 1: Rhinoceros (4 syllables) becomes rhino (2 syllables). 

Example 2: Television (4 syllables) becomes TV (2 letters).

Example 3: Hippopotamus (5 syllables) becomes hippo (2 syllables).

Example 4: Tyrannosaurus Rex (6 syllables) becomes T-Rex (2 syllables).

Naming Places

When it comes to naming your locations (cities, towns, countries, etc.) you have a lot more leeway with the syllable guideline. Afghanistan, Antarctica, Czech Republic, Dominican Republic, and Lithuania are all examples of real world country names that contain more than three syllables.

Personally, I don’t find most people directly referring to their country, state or city on a regular basis so it would seem reasonable if your characters didn’t mention where they are located that much. In that sense, a lengthy place name may not be too much of a bother on a reader so most of the time you could get away with those.

Still, when writing a story I suggest keeping names of locations as short as possible where appropriate. It might be officially called the United States of America (9 syllables), but it's often referred to as just United States (4 syllables), or America (4 syllables), or USA (3 letters), or the US (2 letters). My hometown of Baltimore (3 syllables) is often shortened to B'more (2 syllables). Names seem to want to be short.

You can also play around with the amount of syllables in your words to show a distinct difference of culture or class, or a separation in time. For instance, an ancient language vs. a modern language. (See “Sound & Look” below)

The Name Game

Right now you might be saying, "All right already with the syllables. I get all that. But how do you come up with a name in the first place?"

Well, there isn't just one way to create a name. Here are just a few techniques that continue to work for me:



Use a Dictionary & Thesaurus

• Look up a word that's similar to your fictional term. Steal the Old English version if it sounds appropriate. If it doesn't, try to manipulate the spelling a little bit to fit your story’s needs.
• Search a thesaurus for words that are close to your terms' meaning. When you find one that sounds about right, use that or fiddle around with the spelling. Make it look different, but sound the same.
• Utilize other languages this way as well. Search dictionaries that are in a different language from which you speak. Find a word that achieves your desired sound and look, and use that or change the spelling to fit your story.

Use Greek and Latin Root Words.

Combine roots, stems, suffixes, and prefixes as you see fit and create your own mashup terms. Don’t get too sciencey, unless you’re going for accuracy.

You’re writing fiction so you don’t necessarily have to follow real world rules when creating terms from Greek and Latin roots. Your term just has to sound right within the context of your story.

Science geeks may call you out on your inaccuracy, but they may not be your audience. If they are your audience, no big deal, you’ll just have to work a little harder and follow those rules.


Other Things to Consider


Language Is Your Playground

You're not constructing an entire language, but the same advice applies.

Study the way words look and sound, and how they feel when they roll off the tongue. As writers, we should be doing this anyway. Words are the tools of our profession. We need to know them.

You don’t have to learn a new language, but it wouldn’t hurt anything if you did. You don’t have to practice the art of calligraphy, but it wouldn’t hurt anything if you dabbled in it. You don’t have to be an expert in scrabble, but it would only help your writing if you knew a thing or two about words and how they fit together.

All I'm saying is try things out. Experiment with words. Jumble them up. Play around and have fun with them. You’re free to type whatever you want from the privacy of your keyboard. No one's going to see. So don’t be shy. Words don’t bite.


Variety

To make your fictional world feel real, you definitely want to have a variety in the terms you create. You don't want all your words to be the same length, shape or sound. Consider varying your word length regardless of the syllable guidelines above. Language is rough. It’s never perfect. It should sound that way.


Sound & Look

Have an idea of what direction you want to go with your word in terms of sound and look. Think about the effect that you want this special term to have on a reader. You may want your words to sound unearthly and alien-like or magical; you may want it to look foreign to your personal culture or similar to a particular culture; you may want it to feel ancient or modern depending on the setting. Keep those things in mind as you create.

The reader should also be able to use context clues to figure out what a term means even if they happen to miss its definition as told in your narrative.

If you create a magical creature for instance, tell someone its name but don’t tell them what your creature looks like. Ask the person if they can picture what your creature might look like just by the sound of its name. They won’t always give the description you’re looking for. But when they do, it’s a good indication that you’re on the right track with that term.

If they describe your creature in a way that isn’t what you intended, that doesn’t mean you should change the word to something different. It doesn’t mean anything really. Just thank them for their time.

The goal is to try and get your terms to closely resemble the appearance of the thing in your story by the way the term sounds.

Wookie’s look exactly like you'd think a "wookie" should look. Don’t they? That's not racist.

Everything in Moderation

Try not to populate your world with too many original creations. Readers like to be grounded in a story and familiarity helps them connect with your story’s surroundings. Too many unfamiliar things in a story may overwhelm a reader and jolt out of the story.

Unfortunately, “too many” is abstract, and there’s no way to tell what will be the limit for any reader. But if you’ve only created two or three creatures or objects, etc. you’re probably good. It depends.


Placeholders

Don’t ever allow the search for the perfect name to hold you back from writing your story. Sometimes, in order to finish your story, you may have to insert a place holder name temporarily until you come up with a better name. I’ve completed entire manuscripts only to go back to it and “find and replace” all instances of a term after I thought of a better one. Nothing is canon until it’s published.

Flawed Perfection

There is no such thing as a perfectly written story. Even the greatest stories have flaws. Writers and publishers have to be okay with a certain level of flaws in the stories they produce.

Some readers and reviewers will gripe about everything that went wrong within a particular book, while others will rave about everything that went right with that same story. There’s a tolerance level for everything and it’s different for each person.

Or frog.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) deems dirt, hair, and non-invasive insects "natural contaminants" and are indeed allowed and present in your food.

The “Food Defect Action Levels” is a booklet published by the FDA that details what they say are natural or unavoidable defects in foods that present no health hazards for humans.

According to the FDA they are needed " ... because it is economically impractical to grow, harvest, or process raw products that are totally free of non-hazardous, naturally occurring, unavoidable defects."

And so it is when writing a book as well. It is impractical to write, edit, proofread, beta, or critique a novel that will be completely free of grammar issues, structural missteps, story inconsistencies, or any unavoidable oversight.

This is why you can pluck a random novel off a shelf and find some kind of problem with it, large or small. And to top it off, every story just isn’t for every reader no matter how clean the manuscript comes out after so many editing passes.

This is not to say that an author shouldn't apply that elbow-grease and try to scrub her story free of dirt and grime. It is only to say that the greatest stories shine despite their flaws. Natural errors in a story present no enjoyment hazard to the right reader. To these readers, there may not be a flaw at all.

As an author, the key is to make book’s flaws invisible by telling a great story. This is the one and only rule.

So, keep serving up your fly soup.





What is your ”Story Defect Action Level”? Do a certain number of story issues cause you to close a book? What’s your favorite story that you consider flawed yet oh, so perfect?