Showing posts with label critiques. Show all posts
Showing posts with label critiques. Show all posts

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays everyone! Michael and Lauren are taking the holiday off. We will be back after the holiday with more page critiques.

If you would like to submit a page from your story for us to look at, you may read our guidelines and fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form. You may also read the previous submission.


Have a great holiday, everyone!


And now a holiday themed video:







Thursday, December 15, 2011

Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form.

We have submissions queued up but are still posting just one page a week, so if you've submitted but haven't seen your page yet, don't panic! ;) Stay tuned. Read the previous submission.


Our very first non-first-page comes from Laurie. Her submission is a page plucked from somewhere in the middle of her sci-fi novel Grey. She requests that our critique focus on flow, voice, believability of the characters, grammar, and overall clarity.

First we present the page without comment:
Author: Laurie
Title: Grey
Genre: Sci-Fi
285 words

“Hey, Ray.”

He blinks a couple of times, then looks down at me with narrowed eyes.

“Don't talk to me like you're my friend,” he snaps.

“Woah, you're in a bad mood. Is it because you're guarding the doors again?”

He grits his teeth.

“No, it's because some of my colleagues were murdered, that's why. What the hell do you think you're doing, talking to a superior like this? I should report you, and maybe I should say something about how you were talking like a traitor earlier?”

He grins victoriously but I play bored and give him an even look.

“So what?” I say. “I'll just tell them you were on duty at the time the Grey got in.”

The blood literally seeps from his face. He stares at me with eyes so wide he begins to remind me of an owl. A really big owl that could crush my neck in one hand if he wanted.

But instead of the anger I expected, with possible violence, he just stands there and gapes at me. I shift awkwardly. I'd wanted a rise out of him so he'd be less cautious about telling me what was going on, but now that my plan had failed, I wasn't sure what to do.

“Hey,” I say at last, “don't stare at me like I've gone mad. Say something.”

“A Grey?” he croaks. He looks genuinely scared. If it had been normal circumstances, I would have made fun of him. But no, the fact he looks like that made me realise for the first time just how serious the danger is. And that thought sends chills down my spine.



What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer.

Michael's and Lauren's line by line edits and then our overall comments after the jump.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Writing 101: Page Critique - Vintagegirl


Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form. We have submissions queued up but are still posting just one page a week, so if you've submitted but haven't seen your page yet, don't panic! ;) Stay tuned. Also, you can read the previous submission.

First we present the page without comment:

Author: vintagegirl
Title: Fitz
Genre: Contemporary YA
1st Page (293 words)
 
After her death, it snowed for the first time in years. 
It was the first September morning and the sun had hidden behind thick layers of mist and wet snow. Alex Emerson watched it from his bed as he tried to rid his head of thoughts and feelings. It was easy enough not to think, but much harder to get rid of the void that filled his stomach. Trying to concentrate on the falling flakes and figuring out why they were white didn’t help, either. 
Nothing helped. Everything reminded him of her. 
Her name had been Beth. Beth Farlow. Mrs. Farlow, whom he had never really known, had come round their house a day after it had happened. Her eyes had been bloodshot cracks in her face when she asked him why her daughter had to die at seventeen. Because she had, for one second, been careless in crossing the railroad tracks. He hadn’t told her that a train had hit Beth Farlow because she had thrown herself in front of it. Because she had thought that seventeen was seventeen years too many to live. 
He had been in his bed ever since it happened three days ago. His mother had gone through his room, taking away all sharp objects and things that could be turned into sharp objects. So that his room was a safe haven where he couldn’t hurt himself. So that he was stuck inside his own isolated hell, feeling nothing and unable to get rid of the constant need to do what Beth did.
He hadn’t gone to school. He intended not to until everyone had forgotten about Beth and gone back to their stupid lives. Or at least until they had gotten the ridiculous memorial service over with.

What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer. 

Michael's and Lauren's line by line edits and then our overall comments after the jump.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Writing 101: Page Critique - Sel

Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form. At this point we have submissions queued up but are still posting just one page a week, so if you've submitted but haven't seen your page yet, don't panic! ;) Stay tuned.

First we present the page without comment:

Author: Sel
Title: Light Me Up, Turn Me Grey
Genre: YA dystopian/fantasy
1st Page (232 words)


Hell starts on day one, they say; guilty until proven innocent, or until you break and bribe an official to release your name from the Book. You'll be nameless and poor but free and happy.
Everyone in our little society are here, cramped and sweaty and fussed like little robots, standing half a metre apart in the marketplace surrounded by concrete slabs, blue sky and rusty, broken walls. We almost deserve the strikes they give us, for being weak and imperfect.
The whistles in the air are as rhythmic and predictable as the moans we drive into this world. The soldiers give us a second of rest—a painless moment where our muscles relax, before a second, a third strike that makes us stiffen again. In between strikes, they shower us with salt water to keep the wounds alive. Think of grey, I tell myself, a calm, grey ocean blending in perfectly with pale skin and blood. Don't let the pain sear into your mind. Only my skin, yesyes.
The girl in front of me; she's wearing a transparent, blood drenched dress. But that is not the most interesting; she is silent even when the others bow and shudder away and scream their pretty heads off.
My eyes stay on her for the rest of the beating, so that the screams of pain fade to hums.   
The Purge-Captain coughs into the microphone.


What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer.
 

Michael's and Lauren's line by line edits and then our overall comments after the jump.


Thursday, November 17, 2011

Writing 101: Page Critique - Emberchyld



Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form. Read the previous submission.

First we present the page without comment:


Author: Emberchyld
Title: The Desired
Genre: YA Paranormal
1st Page (242 words)


“You are so important, Sara. To me and to the world,” He whispered, as the sky above us flamed in a lightshow unlike any I’ve ever seen.

No one ever told me that my world would end in a medieval castle halfway around the world from my parents, my school, and my best friend.

No one ever told me that I’d have to choose between two people who I loved—and that my choice would probably mean life and death.

No one had told me that my life would be anything but normal, that the summer before my senior year would be anything more than a tan, a few great photographs, and a lot of good memories.

No one told me that I would be the one who had to save the world.

I wish they had. I would totally have slept in this morning.

Chapter 1
The summer before my eighteenth birthday was supposed to be quiet and normal. Well, about as normal as a summer can be when you’re shipped off to hang out on your grandparents’ farm in Europe while the rest of your classmates get to go to the shore or Philly or Florida. But, still, I wasn’t expecting anything special. Jog every morning, take a few photos for my blog, prep some of my college applications, drink lots of espressos at the local internet café.

Yeah, things never seem to turn out the way that you want.



What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer. Michael's and Lauren's line by line edits and then our overall comments, after the jump.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Writing 101: Page Critique

Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form.

First we present the page without comment:


Author: Jenny Kaczorowski
Title: Rivers Underneath
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
1st Page (245 words)

Emma watched a cluster of mourners gather around the fresh grave at the foot of the hilly cemetery, curling and uncurling her fingers into her palms. The black-clad figures clung to one another, finding comfort in knowing they didn’t mourn alone. Comfort Emma couldn’t share. Their shock and grief and anger pounded against her, even across the distance.

The wind shaped Emma’s dark hair into softly waving tendrils and she brushed it away with the back of her hand. She shifted her feet and the frozen dew clinging to the grass crackled under her.

Emma knew she should join the other mourners. She knew they expected her to share in their public display of sorrow.

But she couldn’t.

The slightest touch, the slightest betrayal of emotion and she would lose everything. Even a hug, meant to console, could send her spiraling out of control.

She remained frozen, a silent witness to their grief. She saw every detail in stunning clarity. The lurid green of the carpet covering the hole in the ground and the cold, dead coffin that held her best friend. The sky, the same colorless grey as her eyes, burned in her mind. Overwhelming sorrow surrounded her, but she refused to absorb any of it.

Her parents were worried. Not that she blamed them. She’d never handled loss well. She’d nearly self-destructed when Gabriel left four years earlier. And he’d only moved away.

Lily was dead.

Unbidden, an image rose before her eyes.

What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer.

Michael's and Lauren's red line edits and then our overall comments after the jump.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Writing 101: Page Critique - Ciara

Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the Writing 101: Page Critique Form.

Congratulations to Ciara for being our very first page critique. First we present the page without comment:

Author: Ciara
Title: Untitled
Genre: Contemporary YA
1st Page (273 words)


I’m pretty sure my sister had decided to become a pagan or a Baptist or something before she off’d herself so I don’t know why we were having a Catholic funeral. I don’t believe in hell and she didn’t either, obviously, but I wonder when I see all these sad puffy eyed faces how many of them believe she’s burning now. Everyone says with their wringing hands that it’s such a waste but how long would she have to stay miserable to satisfy them? Maybe they only remember how she used to be before she got lost.
Our house is empty now of all the sombre tourist mourners paying to gape at our tragedy with their thoughtful lasagnes and endless pots of coffee. The ghost of condolences and morbid curiosity is hanging in the air on their stale cigarette smoke. But we’re alone now in this house separated by the gulf of our secret thoughts. Every day since she died has been leading up to the funeral and now that it’s all over I don’t know what we’re supposed to do. I don’t know if I’m allowed to go back in our room. My stomach turns over remembering how I used to wail about the unfairness of having to share a room with someone who would try to make my bed while I was sleeping in it and wave my own dirty socks in my face as proof that I never pick up after myself. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa since she died and no one has told me to go to bed so I guess that means I’m not supposed to.


What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer.

Michael's and Lauren's red line edits and then our overall comments after the jump.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Writing 101: Page Critiques

If you would like to have a page from your novel critiqued by the Writing 101 crew, we are now taking submissions. (See the form below.) Every Thursday Michael and Lauren will critique a page from a novel.


Genres We Accept

We accept any genre under the YA umbrella (mainstream, paranormal, fantasy, sci-fi, et al.).


What We Will Critique

We will critique first pages and anything else you need feedback on.

The all important first page is essential to get right...but so is the rest of you novel. It's not chopped liver.

We recognize that sometimes you may need targeted feedback on a scene that doesn't take place on the very first page of your novel. This is why we're opening up the flood gates and allowing you to submit a random page from your novel.


How Will It Work?

Along with your submission, you'll simply tell us that your page is not the first page of your novel and you'll describe to us what exactly are you looking for in your critique.

For instance, you may need feedback on your love scene, or you might need direction for your fight scene, or maybe there's a craft technique that you're not quite sure you understand and you need an outsider's eyes to make sure you're on the right track.

Whatever your issue is just let us know. We will focus our critique towards your needs, directly targeting the specific area where you feel you may need the most help.


More Info

A random number generator will choose which page(s) we will critique that week.

Each week we will post one or two submitted pages to the blog, including our notes.

Readers of Paper Hangover will be encouraged to offer their own constructive criticisms in the comment section.


Thursday, July 28, 2011

Flawed Perfection


There is no such thing as a perfectly written story. Even the greatest stories have flaws. Writers and publishers have to be okay with a certain level of flaws in the stories they produce.

Some readers and reviewers will gripe about everything that went wrong within a particular book, while others will rave about everything that went right with that same story. There’s a tolerance level for everything and it’s different for each person.

Or frog.




The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) deems dirt, hair, and non-invasive insects "natural contaminants" and are indeed allowed and present in your food.

The “Food Defect Action Levels” is a booklet published by the FDA that details what they say are natural or unavoidable defects in foods that present no health hazards for humans.

According to the FDA they are needed " ... because it is economically impractical to grow, harvest, or process raw products that are totally free of non-hazardous, naturally occurring, unavoidable defects."

And so it is when writing a book as well. It is impractical to write, edit, proofread, beta, or critique a novel that will be completely free of grammar issues, structural missteps, story inconsistencies, or any unavoidable oversight.

This is why you can pluck a random novel off a shelf and find some kind of problem with it, large or small. And to top it off, every story just isn’t for every reader no matter how clean the manuscript comes out after so many editing passes.

This is not to say that an author shouldn't apply that elbow-grease and try to scrub her story free of dirt and grime. It is only to say that the greatest stories shine despite their flaws. Natural errors in a story present no enjoyment hazard to the right reader. To these readers, there may not be a flaw at all.

As an author, the key is to make book’s flaws invisible by telling a great story. This is the one and only rule.

So, keep serving up your fly soup.





What is your ”Story Defect Action Level”? Do a certain number of story issues cause you to close a book? What’s your favorite story that you consider flawed yet oh, so perfect?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Miss Writerly Manners on Critiquing

Critiquing, or beta reading, is a part of most writers' lives. Most of us need outside opinions and feedback, and it's only fair to offer it in return. But how do you do it right? What's the etiquette surrounding giving critiques, and just as importantly, receiving them?

This week's post is dedicated to critique manners. Below are ten tips/rules/guidelines/whatever you want to call 'em to keep in mind when you enter the world of beta reading.


On Giving Critiques

1. Be kind.

Some people disagree with me on this, so I'm going to explain my position. First off, I don't believe you gain anything by being a harsh critiquer. You can be completely honest while choosing your words carefully. It may require a little more time on your part, but ultimately, I say it's worth it.

The second big reason is that a person will be more receptive to what you say if you're nice about it. The purpose of beta reading is to help someone improve what they wrote. If they're so hurt by your critique that they don't take your advice, what was the point? You're wasting everyone's time.

There are a few ways to keep your critique kind. The first is good old fashioned I-sentences: "I thought your main character was insensitive" vs. "Your main character is a bitch." This has the added benefit of forcing you to stop and consider what's really bugging you about something. (See Rule 2.)

Another that I always try to follow is the sandwich method. This is structuring your feedback like so: say what you liked, say what you didn't like, say some more stuff you liked or just general words of encouragement.

This is not gratuitous. Good critiquers say what worked for them as well as what didn't. It's the best way for a writer to get a well-rounded picture of how others see their work. Plus, it just makes people more predisposed to listen to you!

You: This book was great! I loved Jessie's character. She made me laugh out loud.

Writer: Hah! Clearly this person knows a work of literary genius when they see it.

You: I thought the plotting was shaky in parts. For example, the scene where Jessie opens a dog washing business....

Writer: Dang. Well, since this person is clearly so astute, they might have a point.

Overly dramatized, but you get the idea. ;)


2. Be specific.

The more specific you can be, the better. This goes for both your positives and your negatives.

"Jessie was awesome." -> "Jessie was a great character. She was funny, smart, and she drove the plot the way a main character should."

"I hated Zach." -> "I didn't think Zach was effective as a character. His reactions to Jessie were inconsistent; some days he loved her and some days he hated her." OR -> "Zach is well written, but I couldn't stand him. He was so rude. Is this how you wanted readers to react to him?"


3. Remember that everything you say is only your opinion.

Don't get a big head about critiquing. You are not telling a person how they should fix their book. You're telling them what you think would make the book better. Always keep in mind that this is not your book, and the writer can do whatever they want to it with or without your say.


4. If you can't think of a single helpful thing to say, turn down the job.

If a book is boring you, or if it's so terrible you don't think it's salvageable, get in touch with the writer and politely tell them you've read the first chapter (or however much) and don't think it's your kind of book. (In other words, play agent. ;) Somebody else out there might find the book interesting or think it has promise (see Rule 3), so don't waste the writer's time if you're not that person.


On Receiving Critiques

1. Wait!

If there's a person out there who can receive critiques without feeling even a tiny sting to their ego, I'd like to meet them! Because the fact is, being told you're not perfect is never fun. It's human nature, I guess. So don't fight that--let it happen. Just keep it to yourself.

Let's say you post a scene you wrote for feedback, and a few people come and point out everything that's wrong with it. Ouch. They didn't even follow the sandwich method to soften the blow! Meanies. Looking over their suggestions, you think "BUT BUT" for each one. They are SO wrong. Clearly these people have no idea what they're talking about. They don't know great writing when they see it.

Now, walk away from the computer. Spend some time feeling smug about how right you are.

How long? However long you need. A day is good, but it can range anywhere from a few minutes for a nice critique to a few days for a harsh one. Wait until your initial hurt has worn off. Wait until you can confidently tell yourself, "They might have a point." Then go back and look over their suggestions.


2. Don't argue or try to justify yourself.

Your critiquer said, "I didn't sympathize with your main character at all. She was way too ditzy." You think, "But she's not really ditzy, it's just a cover she puts on so people don't suspect her real motives!"

Okay, so your intention didn't come through. That means you need to try harder. Don't tell your critiquer your BUT BUTs. Think about what you were trying to do and why it did not come across.

There's no reason to argue with a critiquer. They're just telling you their opinion. Not everyone is going to understand what you're trying to do, and not everyone's going to like what you produce. That's okay. You're not obligated to take a critiquer's advice. Let them have their opinion, and move on.


3. Ask questions.

Okay, so everyone thinks your character's a hopeless ditz, and you're at a loss for how to convey that she's faking it. At this point it's okay to explain your intention and ask for advice. "Jessie's actually very savvy, she's just faking the ditz thing so people won't suspect her motives. Do you have any suggestions for how I can show that to the reader?" They might not, but for me personally, I've never asked a follow-up question that I didn't get great responses to.

You can also ask for clarification if you really don't understand what a critiquer's getting at. "You say Jessie's a hopeless ditz, but I didn't intend for her to come off that way. Can you tell me the specific moments that come off as ditzy to you?"

Avoid asking questions as a cover for justifying yourself. Try not to sound defensive. "Jessie's obviously really intelligent and calm, so why couldn't you see that?" -- no no!


4. Say thank you.

If someone's critique is very helpful to you, let them know that! I like to further show my gratitude by either offering to critique something of theirs, or if it's a non-writer, getting them a gift like a B&N gift certificate. For novels in particular, that's a huge investment of time someone's making just to help you out. Acknowledge it!

What about critiques that are not helpful, or worse, ones that are useless and just plain mean? If the person honestly tried to help you, give them a sincere thank you. No need to tell them that they didn't actually help you; remember it was just their opinion. For mean people, a simple "thanks" will do. Don't be nasty in return. The YA community is pretty tight knit and you don't want the mafia hearing about your bad attitude. ;)


Tips for All Involved

1. Be clear about what you want or are willing to give.

Do you want line edits, help with characterization, someone to check for plot holes, all of the above? Say up front what you want from your critiquer.

When you are the critiquer, respect the writer's request. Unsolicited opinions can be rude. If they don't specify what kind of feedback they're looking for, ask. If you can't or don't want to offer that, turn down the beta request.


2. Set a time frame, however tentative.

Writers, if you need feedback by a certain date--like if an agent or editor's waiting on revisions--be up front about it. Most people work faster with a deadline.

Critiquers, try to give an estimate of how long it will take you to finish someone's work. Be realistic and reasonable about it. If it's going to take you longer than you planned, send the writer a note. Sure, you're only doing them a favor, but it's nice if you don't leave them biting their nails.


And that's all for now. If there are any other Writerly Manners topics you'd be interested in learning about, drop me a line in the comments!