Every Thursday the Writing 101 crew, Michael and Lauren, will critique a page from a novel. If you'd like your page critiqued, please fill out the
Writing 101: Page Critique Form. Read
the previous submission.
First we present the page without comment:
Author: Emberchyld
Title: The Desired
Genre: YA Paranormal
1st Page (242 words)
“You are so important, Sara. To me and to the world,” He whispered, as the sky above us flamed in a lightshow unlike any I’ve ever seen.
No one ever told me that my world would end in a medieval castle halfway around the world from my parents, my school, and my best friend.
No one ever told me that I’d have to choose between two people who I loved—and that my choice would probably mean life and death.
No one had told me that my life would be anything but normal, that the summer before my senior year would be anything more than a tan, a few great photographs, and a lot of good memories.
No one told me that I would be the one who had to save the world.
I wish they had. I would totally have slept in this morning.
Chapter 1
The summer before my eighteenth birthday was supposed to be quiet and normal. Well, about as normal as a summer can be when you’re shipped off to hang out on your grandparents’ farm in Europe while the rest of your classmates get to go to the shore or Philly or Florida. But, still, I wasn’t expecting anything special. Jog every morning, take a few photos for my blog, prep some of my college applications, drink lots of espressos at the local internet cafĂ©.
Yeah, things never seem to turn out the way that you want.
What say you, readers of Paper Hangover? Did this first page intrigue you enough to read on? Please keep your criticisms constructive. Always be polite and considerate of the writer. Michael's and Lauren's line by line edits and then our overall comments, after the jump.